Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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