He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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