just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
