Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
