Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bet he comes in French.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
