I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
