is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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