Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
