ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have fence marks all over my body
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
