you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
