Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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