I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
