no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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