Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
