update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
