I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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