I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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