Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
