i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
