I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
