so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
