if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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