i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
