He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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