you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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