I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
