who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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