Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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