Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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