If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
