apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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