Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
