Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You ruined the universe
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize