Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
