Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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