hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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