Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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