God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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