You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
