So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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