I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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