sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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