kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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