I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
