There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
