This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
