it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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