i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
