put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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