Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
