I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
