guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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