We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
