on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
