She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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