how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hippo gnu deer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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