he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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