If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
