Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
