DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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