i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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