and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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