textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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