just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So many bounce houses so little time
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
