mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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