We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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