My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
