I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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