.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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