I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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