Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
