So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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