Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
