turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
