Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
please don't ironically join a cult
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