Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
