It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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