i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize